I have to admit that I had a “great” idea for a Halloween
blog, but never got around to posting. As a consolation, I do have long-awaited (somewhat exaggerated) baby bump picture FROM Halloween:
The very first Moore Family Halloween was somewhat of a
bust. I raced home (a teensie bit early) from work to buy last minute candy and
prepare for the rush of trick-or-treaters that I knew would be descending on
our front porch. I don’t know why I was so excited about little kids in costume
coming to our door—possibly it was the fact that impending motherhood has made
me nostalgic about playing dress-up. More likely, however, is the fact that I have not-so-secretly
planned Lillian’s costumes for the next 3-4 years, and I needed to compare.
Whatever my excitement stemmed from, it was soon thwarted as we had zero little
monsters, zombies, superheroes, princesses, or anything else (well, besides a
very cute 5-month-old “monkey” belonging to our friends, but he didn’t really
consume much candy) come to our door.
We are rounding out (pun intended) the 24th week
of pregnancy, and as the belly grows, so does my sense of worry—about
everything. Am I eating something that I’m not supposed to? Am I forgetting to
do something (like sleep at a 45.5°
angle away from the second star in Orion’s belt) that will cause irreparable
harm to the baby? What if I slip and fall and break the baby’s head? What if
the baby comes to early? And those are just some of the worries I have BEFORE
the baby is born. The list goes on and on for after Lillian makes her big
debut, from changing diapers and day care decisions to appropriate parenting
choices to affording college.
If I let it, this sense of worry and fear (and, yes, dread)
can really take over my day. However, because I was so blessed with such a
great mother—who still listens to me throw mini-fits of worry and frustration,
then guiding me to pray –I will always remember the verse she made me repeat
over and over when I was convinced the boogie-man was about to strike:
“For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love
and of a sound mind.”
-2 Timothy 1:7
And, with this in mind, here goes my second letter to our sweet
daughter regarding one of the biggest fears I have.
Dearest Lillian,
I am so excited to get to meet you, and to introduce you to
girly things like pearls, dresses, and shoes. However, one thing mommy already
fears the most is that—one day—you will look in the mirror and you won’t see
how beautiful you are, but instead, you will see too fat, too short, imperfect
skin, or one number of other non-existent flaws. And I fear that your mind will
dwell on what you see in the mirror.
You see, I already know that you will be the most precious
and beautiful little girl that has ever breathed. But, I also know first hand
that, often times, this idea of beauty gets twisted.
I will do my best to teach you good habits on taking care of
your body, as it’s the only one you get while you’re here on earth. And, I will
always want to do everything in my power to help you feel like you shine. But
what I don’t want is for your self-image to thrive on compliments of others on
your appearance, as it is not sustainable. Instead, I want you to be proud of who you are, inside and
out, and rest in the fact that you are fearfully and wonderfully made. You were
put on this earth for a very specific and important purpose, and I will do my
best to help you not let this fact be blurred by an image you see in the
mirror.
I pray that—together—we learn to cherish and put into
practice this verse:
“Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the
Lord is to be praised.”
-Proverbs 31:30
Mommy and Daddy love you, and we cannot wait to see your
precious face, as I am relatively sure its loveliness will completely redefine
my meaning of the word “beauty.”
Love,
Mommy
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