When Two Roads Diverge, Which One Do I Take?

I’ve been putting off a new blog post because I couldn’t decide exactly what to write about. Then it finally hit me. I should write about that—decisions (or, indecision, as the case is so often with me).

I really can’t stand making decisions. Even minor ones. In fact, when I tell you I don’t care where we eat, I really mean it. What I really want is for someone else to decide. Because, every time you make a decision, you are making a choice NOT to do something else. You are opening yourself up to disapproval and to being wrong. And there is nothing more I hate than being wrong.

As we are getting ready to meet our incredible little blessing, I realize that the prospect of making decisions affecting my child for the next 18 plus years is quite possibly the thing I fear most about parenthood. Even the small decisions seem overwhelming. For instance, I have scoured hundreds of reviews for just the correct diaper brand to use. Which is only overshadowed by the amount of research I have done on diaper rash cream and cleaning products. And, I avoid making these small decisions because, as soon as I check them off my list, I need to decide on things like immunizations and childcare.

Compounded with my overwhelming fear that every decision I make will somehow negatively affect my child is my worry of how others will view my decisions. Will they agree with what I let my child watch/wear/read/eat? Will they be offended that I chose someone else’s suggestion over their own? Will they just know that I am wrong? And, while I know these things shouldn’t—and hopefully, won’t—matter, the nagging still lingers in the back of my mind.

My distaste for decisions aside, we are overjoyed (and impatient) about meeting our daughter very soon.  All the bags are packed for the hospital, and her room is well on its way to completion. We can’t wait until we can hold her in our arms and tell her how special she is—our sweet Valentine.

Dearest Lillian,

I so badly want to see your sweet little face and squeeze your tiny little hands. I feel like I have been waiting forever to meet you as one day draws more slowly than the last into another. I would try almost anything to see you faster. What I am feeling, in a word, is impatience. You’ll understand impatience soon enough, especially around Christmastime and your birthday, with decadently wrapped presents staring you down, tempting you to open them.

Your daddy and I will try our best to teach you about how to be patient, even though we have a long ways to go ourselves. We will make you practice being patient for things, while also trying our hardest to be patient with you.

You are so precious, and we already feel so blessed to call you our own. We love you and cannot wait to meet you very, very soon!!

Love,

Mommy