Wednesday, November 7, 2012

Beauty and the Fear of Beasts (and Other Various Things)


I have to admit that I had a “great” idea for a Halloween blog, but never got around to posting. As a consolation, I do have long-awaited (somewhat exaggerated) baby bump picture FROM Halloween:


The very first Moore Family Halloween was somewhat of a bust. I raced home (a teensie bit early) from work to buy last minute candy and prepare for the rush of trick-or-treaters that I knew would be descending on our front porch. I don’t know why I was so excited about little kids in costume coming to our door—possibly it was the fact that impending motherhood has made me nostalgic about playing dress-up.  More likely, however, is the fact that I have not-so-secretly planned Lillian’s costumes for the next 3-4 years, and I needed to compare. Whatever my excitement stemmed from, it was soon thwarted as we had zero little monsters, zombies, superheroes, princesses, or anything else (well, besides a very cute 5-month-old “monkey” belonging to our friends, but he didn’t really consume much candy) come to our door. 

We are rounding out (pun intended) the 24th week of pregnancy, and as the belly grows, so does my sense of worry—about everything. Am I eating something that I’m not supposed to? Am I forgetting to do something (like sleep at a 45.5° angle away from the second star in Orion’s belt) that will cause irreparable harm to the baby? What if I slip and fall and break the baby’s head? What if the baby comes to early? And those are just some of the worries I have BEFORE the baby is born. The list goes on and on for after Lillian makes her big debut, from changing diapers and day care decisions to appropriate parenting choices to affording college. 

If I let it, this sense of worry and fear (and, yes, dread) can really take over my day. However, because I was so blessed with such a great mother—who still listens to me throw mini-fits of worry and frustration, then guiding me to pray –I will always remember the verse she made me repeat over and over when I was convinced the boogie-man was about to strike:

“For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind.”

-2 Timothy 1:7

And, with this in mind, here goes my second letter to our sweet daughter regarding one of the biggest fears I have.

Dearest Lillian,

I am so excited to get to meet you, and to introduce you to girly things like pearls, dresses, and shoes. However, one thing mommy already fears the most is that—one day—you will look in the mirror and you won’t see how beautiful you are, but instead, you will see too fat, too short, imperfect skin, or one number of other non-existent flaws. And I fear that your mind will dwell on what you see in the mirror.

You see, I already know that you will be the most precious and beautiful little girl that has ever breathed. But, I also know first hand that, often times, this idea of beauty gets twisted.

I will do my best to teach you good habits on taking care of your body, as it’s the only one you get while you’re here on earth. And, I will always want to do everything in my power to help you feel like you shine. But what I don’t want is for your self-image to thrive on compliments of others on your appearance, as it is not sustainable.  Instead, I want you to be proud of who you are, inside and out, and rest in the fact that you are fearfully and wonderfully made. You were put on this earth for a very specific and important purpose, and I will do my best to help you not let this fact be blurred by an image you see in the mirror.

I pray that—together—we learn to cherish and put into practice this verse:

“Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised.”

-Proverbs 31:30

Mommy and Daddy love you, and we cannot wait to see your precious face, as I am relatively sure its loveliness will completely redefine my meaning of the word “beauty.”

Love,

Mommy

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